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Saturday, April 27, 2013
Monday, April 1, 2013
Transcendence
The Interstate Love Song said Nevermind to me this morning. I thought a lot about life this weekend. I only watch the time go by, but it's okay. They are only here to entertain us, these thoughts, these perceptions, these views of the universe. You bring me to my knees again. I could beg but I don't want to. I felt insecure my whole life - but now I'm leaving my burdens at the door.
These dreams I've been remembering lately - my brain's reaction to what I want, what I see, what I need. Flight - my need to convince everyone that it's possible - realizing that not everyone was meant to fly - realizing that that's okay. The abstract intersecting with the practical. I told you I love you - then I told you I want to ravish you - I didn't know which one was true, or if they both were, or neither. I made myself smile until the smile was real. I made myself cry until the tears were real. I made myself numb until the feeling didn't exist. Serotonin - get some. Dopamine - make some.
Goodness - what would happen if this wall came down? Who would I be? What would this be like? Life I mean - what would life be like if I didn't stop myself from living it. You're right - I'm not okay with myself. The question is - do I fix it, or accept myself however I am. Tell yourself all you want that you are not constrained by the same things that constrain other people - that's a joke. Some things are a constant. Everything is Chaos, that's a constant.
If there's one thing you can count on - that you can bet your bottom dollar on - it's the ignorance of the American People. Transcend. That's not an original thought. A lot of this is song lyrics that are either passing into my brain via a vibrating membrane connected to nerve endings or have so previously and are now surfacing and singing to me in some part of my brain.
The ends justify the means eh? Does it only matter how society judges you? Does it only matter how the people you care about judge you? Maybe sometimes it takes one act of greatness to make you great. Maybe sometimes you can just fake it. Most of the time your act of greatness will go unnoticed - does that make it any less valuable? What makes an apple an apple? Is it all a question of semantics? What is justice anyway - right Plato? Do you hold yourself only to your own judgement or do you hold yourself to the standards of society? Trust me - God has no justice - all things being equal, everything is equal. If God represents one thing, it's the ultimate in equality. Justice from that perspective is meaningless. So you give yourself a choice - judge yourself by the standards of society, judge yourself by the standards of your culture, judge yourself by the standards that you create from your own experiences, or don't judge yourself at all. Find justice in there somewhere - in the cross section of the micro and the macro.
What is right for you? Once you figure that out - how do you use that in the context of the world around you? Try your best to surround yourself with people who make it all better. Be okay with yourself - be around people who are okay with you. What is love? (baby don't hurt me?) My own happiness has never been good enough motivation for anything. My own sadness and pain has never been good enough motivation to avoid something. Weather changes moods. Nature is a whore. He likes to sing along, but no one will ever know what it means. I'm in bloom. I don't know what it means. I can't figure it out. I've been trying my whole life. I think your point is that it's time for me to stop trying to figure it out and just live. Point my arrow in a direction instead of hoping that all the tentacles that my brain has created will one day come back and make something that fits. It probably would - right about the same time that I die. - - oops there it is, finally, now what - croak. Thanks Obama. - - I knew I could work a meme in there somewhere.
In disguises no one knows lies the face, lies the snake. Boiling heat... Blackholes - that's where existence starts - where time and space are both meaningless. Where everything becomes nothing - where time is gone for honest men. Come here - rest in my brain - let me see what lies beyond that point - that point I feel my brain drifting toward. Where infinity meets the edge of the universe and then keeps going. To ascend we must die, we must see through the lies. What lies? The lies we tell ourselves. That we are important to the universe. That we are important at all. That when we breach the barriers of the unknown that we will come out the other side and see the sun rather then just being recycled. What is time - time is nothing - it's perspective - space is the same. It's how we experience the universe. How limited... There is so much more to existence. There are layers that we will never - never know. Do we create? Do we observe? Do we really know - anything? Are we just convinced? What is life like when you're not convinced of anything? What is life like when you're not even convinced of your own existence? I have those answers. You're reading it. And understanding it - what does that say about you?
You have this thought - or feeling - that you are all alone. There are things that you think about that you have convinced yourself that no one else could possible understand - you're wrong. Everyone feels like that. Most people have the same thoughts. If you pay close enough attention - you will see it. Especially in this world where connections are so easy. I want to write the list - 1000 things you think no one else thinks.
Drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself - sometimes I think I can see right through myself - your world...Well - it doesn't really matter any more. You were never really real to begin with - I just made you up to hurt myself. Wow - this applies to me so much. - It worked. There is no you there is only me. Who? This guy that I created to cover up the real me. Real...heh... To cover up the me I really want to be - because I'm too afraid to be him. It's okay - or at least I'm approaching okay - like I'm approaching the limits of the universe in my dreams. We don't pass through doors and come out the other side - because the doors don't actually exist. We created the doors to prove to ourselves that we can move from one place to another. We don't...Movement is a dream. We just - be - or to put it in a cultural context - there is no try. Which - when you think about it - means there is no fail - epic or otherwise.
What's the best place to hide? Time. Why hide? Why not hide? Lost in obscurity - what's important to me may not be what's important to you. What does that mean in the context of society? Does that mean that we should only concern ourselves with what's important to ourselves? Is that how societies are created? A bunch of people walk into a room with concepts of what's important to them - influenced by what's important to the people around them - then create something that sounds like it's what should be important to everyone - then tell everyone that this is what's important to them. Sounds about right - until it stops working for just about everyone - then what. It used to be that we would go do something about it. Now it seems like memes with cats on the internet have more influence on the world then talking face-to-face. Proving that you can affect the world with a single sentence that a lot of people happen to agree with. This proves the usefulness of twitter. We never really did have long attention spans - it just seemed like we did because of what we remember as a culture. What we remember is what's put into libraries. Now what we remember is saved as a news feed in a database on a server - and there's too much of it to remember it all. We should write a program to take the collection of knowledge accumulated from these sources and write a book. We could use a search algorithm to connect sentences together into something coherent. I bet you that we have repeated ourselves a million times - and that the book would not be that long - but it would definitely have a chapter about cats.
These dreams I've been remembering lately - my brain's reaction to what I want, what I see, what I need. Flight - my need to convince everyone that it's possible - realizing that not everyone was meant to fly - realizing that that's okay. The abstract intersecting with the practical. I told you I love you - then I told you I want to ravish you - I didn't know which one was true, or if they both were, or neither. I made myself smile until the smile was real. I made myself cry until the tears were real. I made myself numb until the feeling didn't exist. Serotonin - get some. Dopamine - make some.
Goodness - what would happen if this wall came down? Who would I be? What would this be like? Life I mean - what would life be like if I didn't stop myself from living it. You're right - I'm not okay with myself. The question is - do I fix it, or accept myself however I am. Tell yourself all you want that you are not constrained by the same things that constrain other people - that's a joke. Some things are a constant. Everything is Chaos, that's a constant.
If there's one thing you can count on - that you can bet your bottom dollar on - it's the ignorance of the American People. Transcend. That's not an original thought. A lot of this is song lyrics that are either passing into my brain via a vibrating membrane connected to nerve endings or have so previously and are now surfacing and singing to me in some part of my brain.
The ends justify the means eh? Does it only matter how society judges you? Does it only matter how the people you care about judge you? Maybe sometimes it takes one act of greatness to make you great. Maybe sometimes you can just fake it. Most of the time your act of greatness will go unnoticed - does that make it any less valuable? What makes an apple an apple? Is it all a question of semantics? What is justice anyway - right Plato? Do you hold yourself only to your own judgement or do you hold yourself to the standards of society? Trust me - God has no justice - all things being equal, everything is equal. If God represents one thing, it's the ultimate in equality. Justice from that perspective is meaningless. So you give yourself a choice - judge yourself by the standards of society, judge yourself by the standards of your culture, judge yourself by the standards that you create from your own experiences, or don't judge yourself at all. Find justice in there somewhere - in the cross section of the micro and the macro.
What is right for you? Once you figure that out - how do you use that in the context of the world around you? Try your best to surround yourself with people who make it all better. Be okay with yourself - be around people who are okay with you. What is love? (baby don't hurt me?) My own happiness has never been good enough motivation for anything. My own sadness and pain has never been good enough motivation to avoid something. Weather changes moods. Nature is a whore. He likes to sing along, but no one will ever know what it means. I'm in bloom. I don't know what it means. I can't figure it out. I've been trying my whole life. I think your point is that it's time for me to stop trying to figure it out and just live. Point my arrow in a direction instead of hoping that all the tentacles that my brain has created will one day come back and make something that fits. It probably would - right about the same time that I die. - - oops there it is, finally, now what - croak. Thanks Obama. - - I knew I could work a meme in there somewhere.
In disguises no one knows lies the face, lies the snake. Boiling heat... Blackholes - that's where existence starts - where time and space are both meaningless. Where everything becomes nothing - where time is gone for honest men. Come here - rest in my brain - let me see what lies beyond that point - that point I feel my brain drifting toward. Where infinity meets the edge of the universe and then keeps going. To ascend we must die, we must see through the lies. What lies? The lies we tell ourselves. That we are important to the universe. That we are important at all. That when we breach the barriers of the unknown that we will come out the other side and see the sun rather then just being recycled. What is time - time is nothing - it's perspective - space is the same. It's how we experience the universe. How limited... There is so much more to existence. There are layers that we will never - never know. Do we create? Do we observe? Do we really know - anything? Are we just convinced? What is life like when you're not convinced of anything? What is life like when you're not even convinced of your own existence? I have those answers. You're reading it. And understanding it - what does that say about you?
You have this thought - or feeling - that you are all alone. There are things that you think about that you have convinced yourself that no one else could possible understand - you're wrong. Everyone feels like that. Most people have the same thoughts. If you pay close enough attention - you will see it. Especially in this world where connections are so easy. I want to write the list - 1000 things you think no one else thinks.
Drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself - sometimes I think I can see right through myself - your world...Well - it doesn't really matter any more. You were never really real to begin with - I just made you up to hurt myself. Wow - this applies to me so much. - It worked. There is no you there is only me. Who? This guy that I created to cover up the real me. Real...heh... To cover up the me I really want to be - because I'm too afraid to be him. It's okay - or at least I'm approaching okay - like I'm approaching the limits of the universe in my dreams. We don't pass through doors and come out the other side - because the doors don't actually exist. We created the doors to prove to ourselves that we can move from one place to another. We don't...Movement is a dream. We just - be - or to put it in a cultural context - there is no try. Which - when you think about it - means there is no fail - epic or otherwise.
What's the best place to hide? Time. Why hide? Why not hide? Lost in obscurity - what's important to me may not be what's important to you. What does that mean in the context of society? Does that mean that we should only concern ourselves with what's important to ourselves? Is that how societies are created? A bunch of people walk into a room with concepts of what's important to them - influenced by what's important to the people around them - then create something that sounds like it's what should be important to everyone - then tell everyone that this is what's important to them. Sounds about right - until it stops working for just about everyone - then what. It used to be that we would go do something about it. Now it seems like memes with cats on the internet have more influence on the world then talking face-to-face. Proving that you can affect the world with a single sentence that a lot of people happen to agree with. This proves the usefulness of twitter. We never really did have long attention spans - it just seemed like we did because of what we remember as a culture. What we remember is what's put into libraries. Now what we remember is saved as a news feed in a database on a server - and there's too much of it to remember it all. We should write a program to take the collection of knowledge accumulated from these sources and write a book. We could use a search algorithm to connect sentences together into something coherent. I bet you that we have repeated ourselves a million times - and that the book would not be that long - but it would definitely have a chapter about cats.
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