Nom Nom - Tacos!

This - ladies and gentlemen is beauty for your tongue.

I know I seem cocky about some things - but I look at it this way - I know what I know - and I know what I'm good at.  Sure, I've made some flop food before, but more often than not the stuff that I make is - "nom nom" - and every once in a while - like today - I make borderline orgasm food...

It started out as me wanting to make tacos. Simple enough - I make kick ass tacos.  I heat two soft corn tortillas with a slice of cheese between.  Then I put some cooked chopped steak, homemade pico de gallo, and lettuce - done - simple - yummy.  But today I had an itch to scratch - I wanted to cook.

I grabbed some angus sirloin and cut it up into about 1 inch cubes.  I browned those in a hot pan. Then I added a beer.   I've got a cream stout in the fridge right now, though any beer would do.  And a can of pineapple.  A few big pinches of salt, some chili powder, cumin, a couple bunches of fresh oregano and a couple cloves of crushed garlic.  Bring all that to a boil - then cover and reduce the heat and let that simmer for a couple hours until the meat breaks down.  Then remove the lid and increase the heat and let the liquid reduce until you're happy.

Pico!  2 tomatoes diced - half an onion diced - 1 Medium Jalapeno cored and diced - cilantro chopped (I like a lot) - juice of 1/2 to 1 lime - salt  Carefully mix all that together, cover and refrigerate - don't skip chilling!  It helps marry the flavors!

I like these organic yellow corn tortillas you can find at whole foods...but whatever...  Take two of those and put some yummy cheese in between (sliced mozzarella is good, colby-jack is better) put that on a hot skillet until it's hot then flip it, take it out when it's done.  Throw some bomb-ass meat, pico, and lettuce on the tortilla and eat it.  Black beans are a good healthy side.

You know that's right!

If Tarzan were a brain

Damn it - why is it that when I start thinking about life, my life, and the future - that crap like this is what pops into my head. - - What's the origin of male / female social roles? - - ((Jason's brain ~ Here's your sign; dumb ass.))  The things that make me go hmm the most are the things that make me think about people and their interactions with each other.  ((Brain~and your curse that you can't think about people's interactions with you -- or your interactions with other people))

Recently I had a good giggle in my head because my new acquaintance at the coffee shop triggered some images of me in a primal state. (Brain Beavisafied~heh, heh, primal)  I mean - hell - I am a man... Men like to show off. (Brain~Look at this mother fuckin' ass saber toothed tiger I just killed with nothing but a stick - *flex*) - the things I have to show off - well - every once in a while I produce words out of my mouth that make enough sense to be considered intelligent, I can spin a tale that a percentage of the time a percentage of people might consider humorous, and on occasion if the mood is right and inspiration hits me some small measure of artistic talent emerges (Brain~in the form of poor perspective pencil drawings and ridiculous comics that really only have meaning to you.)  So - yeah - in the immediate sense I don't know why I felt like showing off my bad art. (Brain~*flex* look how big my right hemisphere is - yeah that's right - it's just as big as the left, and I have an over abundance of neurotransmitters.  Let's say we increase our dopamine and tryptophan levels together.)  I suppose it's pretty simple - I did something I thought was cool.

I think the words were, "I feel like showing off." and "I would enjoy it if you showed of to me."  An absolutely brilliant slide show went trough my head of me in these situations:

Wait - Wait - no; that's one's all wrong!

There - that's better.

Quite a range there - huh?  I think this is very telling of me and inductively of other men - that we all contain all of these states of nature. (Brain~well...) {What dude?} (I'm just sayin' you've met some people that didn't quite make it past the second image up there.){Whatever man - shit I need to quit talking to myself.}(Crazy ass.)  What I'm trying to say is that on some level we all have the potential for base, primal actions. And while - due to whatever factors you want to plug here - we may not all be capable of being brilliant (insert dream job here), most of us have the capacity for some measure of artistic, mechanical, physical, or mental ability.

These images imply a whole lot more when you think about them.  The ape implies domination and the want to get and keep territory and property.  The movie version of Tarzan - is like a step up the evolutionary chain.  But rather than dominating his territory he tries to be a steward of it.  Still - beating chests, war cries, showing off balls, swinging through trees, taking hot women into the tree house...  Wesley again is just another step - swinging swords apparently make women at least a little hot - this is a very popular movie.  Conquest - the need to fix, to come to aid.  Also - he was a lover looking for his dear sweet Buttercup.  Scientists like sex too - there are whole branches of science devoted to it, so...  I guess for me this image is a reflection of my need to create - however you want to take that.  So I giggled - because apparently in my nature what it means to show off is to get territory, take really good care of it, scream at intruders, find a hot babe I care about - rescue her - and take her back to my place, where I can create things for her.  

(((Thoughtful pause)))

(-.-) (-.-) (-.-) (-.-) (o.o) (O.O) (o_o)

Sounds about right...

((Brain~Let me interject for just a minute here - may I have the floor?)) Thank you:

It seems obvious to me that showing off is a natural part of social interaction.  We all want to be accepted by our peers and appreciated for (or as) something special - or in some way different than other people.  Even if in the grand scheme of things there are several million bloggers who draw bad art and tell long ass stories with no point - if you come to recognize someone as a peer in some way your instinct is going to be to show them these things.  Kind of like your dog bringing you that chewed up ass ball - it would be a dead rodent if he had access.  Just watch five minutes - fuck that - watch a commercial for Jersey Shore - showing off is their ENTIRE social interaction.  The point being that we have whole subcultures created around showing off - like sports - and these things are so popular and ingrained in our society that a great deal of our cultural and societal resources go into them. What - do you feel like you're above all of that? {dude - not above it - I've just never really thought about myself in that context}  Well - monkey man - you're only a couple hundred generations since one of your ancestors had to resort to head clubbing to get laid {heh - Monty Python} - so feel lucky that your instinct is to create things and tell stories.  Actually - now that you think of it - you're ancestors were probably some of the people that made ceremonial fuck axes pretty well. I'm a brain I'm allowed to be crass.

2012 Holiday Movie Reviews

Warning - I don't spoil anything about the movies, but I will place subconscious things that will pop into your head while you're watching the movie...

I think it's an accidental holiday tradition of mine, at least for the last several years, to go to the movies and eat bad Chinese food.  This year I think I went a bit overboard - on the movies not on the Chinese food thank goodness.  This year I saw 4 films in the theater over the holiday:  Here are some short reviews!

First; Mom, Ron and I went to see The Hobbit.  Ron slept through the first third of the movie.  Couldn't keep his eyes open.  Sounds about right if you have a hard time getting in to the spirit of a movie.  Here's the thing - Peter Jackson has a style.  Guillermo del Toro has a style. J.R.R. Tolkien had a goofy smile.

image link

He also has a pretty recognizable style - I'm just sayin'  we're not seeing anything new here.  The pretty, flashy lights and the loud noises don't impress me any more and honestly the 3D just gives me a headache and doesn't really add to the experience.

I will say this - as far as a movie adaptation goes it seems like they took their time going through the story step by step.  They added back-story in places where it was needed and they left nothing wanting from a book reader going to the movie (thus far).  I mean - they're taking that book and splitting up into three long ass movies.  Think about that - they made three long ass movies for three books for the Lord of the Rings.

(Quick math - 169 minutes per movie x 3 = 507 total minutes.  There are 330 pages in my paperback of the Hobbit.  That's 1.5 minutes of movie time per page. - That's impressive!  LOTR was ~.50 minutes per page)

Then Christmas Eve I really had nothing better to do so I bought a bottle of Merlot and a backup bottle of Pinot, but decided that I would go see one of my all time favorite actors portray one of my all time favorite directors on the big screen rather than catching it on small format. Hitchcock - best movie of the year (mainstream).  Oh Anthony...  Oh  Helen...  What a cast...  Toni Collette, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Beil, Ralph Macchio, Kurtwood Smith, Michael Wincott... Every single person brought exactly what they were supposed to bring to their part in the story.  If you ask me, this is something that Hitchcock tended to bring out in people - but also - this is something that Anthony Hopkins tends to bring out in people he's working with because of his style in acting - because of the way he takes on the roles he accepts - because of the way he embodies the role.  ((There was a movie where I saw Anthony Hopkins say "I just fucking give up" though...))

This is a movie that stood on it's own - a movie for the sake of a movie.  Something that we've forgotten about in the land that is movie.  Storytelling.  Humanism.  The beauty of this film was in watching the people and in watching the script unfold.  All I can think to say is that it was a movie that Hitchcock himself may have enjoyed (after all it was about him).

Have you ever created a mess and you didn't really feel like cleaning it up?  Well - Christmas morning I decided to rearrange my apartment... So first thing in the morning I disassembled my bedroom and moved all of my office stuff into the big bedroom - resulting in this:

:-|  (o.o) - My desk is L shaped from the window on the left edge of the picture all the way to the right edge of the picture  :-o

So - I went to go see Jack Reacher at 12:30

This is pretty much all I have to say about this movie - you have seen this movie - If you want to see a decent movie with Tom Cruise where he plays a character named Jack watch this movie:

CLICK ME TO SEE AWESOMENESS

Tim Curry plays the devil in that movie which is a good qualifier - because - you know - any movie where Tim Curry dresses up in an outlandish outfit is sure to be the shiznit right?

So - yeah - Chinese food...  And the next show for the movie I wanted to see was sold out so I went home and did this:

It may not seem logical for me to put my bedroom in the smaller of the two rooms, but I have a good reason - mainly having to do with my cat's digestive issues waking me up in the middle of the night and me not having much choice as to the location of his litter box.  Also - it might be nice to have a little more leg room in my office when I have people over.

When I was a kid my dad subscribed me to this classic book of the month thing - I got books like - Huck Finn, Wuthering Heights, War and Peace, A Tale of Two Cities, Edgar Allen Poe's Collective works, Les Miserables.  For some reason I seem to remember Jean Valjean being more active in the revolution. Maybe - seeing as how I would have been like 10 or 11 when I got that book, I was really confused - I don't remember it quite right, it's a very distinct possibility.  Because that movie kinda made Jean Valjean look like a self serving, self righteous, cowardly man.  Maybe it's just that I'm older now and I'm seeing the story in a different way and Jean Valjean was always just a backseat driver in the story. I don't know - I need to go back and read the book...

As far as a movie goes - at the end I was sitting in a theater full of crying people who were saying how good it was and I was sitting there going - "Really?"  So I stuck in my seat, pretending to do something on my phone so I could drop some eves on people's conversations - FILTERS - I was surrounded by people who had read the book a hundred times and seen performances in different venues.  They knew which songs were missing from this version, also were missing from the current Broadway version, but not the.....!!!!!!  They WANTED it to be good...  and it looked really really pretty on the big screen.  Plus - major props to the cast - really - bang - up - job!  I personally could have done without seeing Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe - both are pretty damn good actors - but you know - sometimes you like to see lesser known actors in those roles - or at least one of them.

As a movie - I'd give it 4 out of 5 stars.  For me this is a game of would you rather.  This is a film adaptation of a musical that is an adaptation of a book.  There's something in a big screen musical experience - there are plenty of screen adaptations; they work... But would you rather see Les Miserables on a big screen with Russell Crowe showing you Javert (and a telephone in the back of your mind) ~~OR~~ see a live performance unfold in front of you?

Duh - both.

2012 Lessons to take to the end of the world

Trying to be truly nice to people in a world where people expect you to be self serving just makes you look even more self serving in the eyes of people who don't know you.  People who recognize you as truly nice are either the same as you or are willing to take advantage of you.  The best way to be truly nice is to also protect your self interests.

Look a girl in the eyes, analyze everything you can about her genetics, figure out everything you can from what kind of shoes she wears, subtly drop hints that you like her (on Facebook or your blog or whatever) with no real indication that it's her you're talking about, then ignore and avoid her for a couple months. ~~ OR ~~  Have a couple conversations with her, feel out the vibe since you're such a fucking people genius and take a goddamn chance by asking her to hang out; the worst that will happen is that you make a new friend. ((Ever feel like it's too late for some things?))

Driving fast in a bad ass car is way better than sex with a selfish person.  Breaking your personal best time on the road you learned to drive on is way more satisfying than breaking your 'number of orgasms in a row' record with that person too.

Screaming into a pillow is like withholding ejaculation - a squeezing orgasm without the real release that you get from letting it fly out.  It lets you hold out for for longer, lets you keep going, lets you stay in rhythm without screwing it up for everyone else, but in the end you never get to let go - you never get to have a real orgasm.

Don't let things get too far.  Even the most patient and understanding person in the world feels resentment, pain, sorrow, sadness.  If you know it's over - fucking end it.

Don't let your emotions control your decisions about your emotions.  People can get hurt when you do that, especially when pain is driving your decisions about love.

Trying to deny who you are is like telling a mountain it can't be where it is anymore.  If you don't know who you are - it takes other people to help shine a light, it's damn near impossible for you to figure it out on your own.  This can be painful - very painful.  If you make new friends you will probably lose some of them, maybe all of them.  If you have old friends, be careful - remember not all of them know who you are either - stick with the ones who are willing to take this journey with you.  You will recognize them when you change something and they stick around.

People who can't ever realize they're wrong are basically useless to you and can be extremely dangerous.  If you figure out you're dealing with someone like that I suggest you completely filter them from your life. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

If you look someone in the eyes a hundred times and they don't see you it's because you don't want to be seen - whether you realize that or not, it's the truth.

Most baristas are cool ass people.  They tend to also be artists, actors, philosophers, students of various disciplines, musicians...  As well as good listeners, good conversationalists, good dressers, fun people to party with, good people to drink with - they also generally make good coffee.  I have also found that most of these things often apply to bartenders, servers, and folks who work in kitchens.

I wish I could say that people will surprise you.  On a whole I can't bring myself to say that.  There really isn't that much genetic variation in our species.  It's surprisingly not all that hard to see how certain cultural stimuli will affect people in general. With a basic understanding of sociology, psychology, neurology, biochemistry, cultural anthropology, and body language people will rarely do things that confuse you.  None of that is an effective replacement for good intuition.

Trust your gut - I can't emphasize that enough.  That comes with a caveat...try and recognize if your gut is dumber than your brain - then always always check your gut.  Unfortunately you have to fuck up a lot before you can learn which path is right for you.

Averages work like this:  There's a number somewhere in the middle.  There're quite a few numbers higher than that number trying to pull that number up and a quite a few numbers lower trying to drag that number down.  The average IQ in the US is ~100.  There are quite a few people with IQs like 180, 200, 145 etc (way bigger than 100) pulling that number up. Think about how many numbers there have to be less than 100 pulling that number down.  Fortunately, on average, we are getting smarter...What I learned?  After meeting a couple people that tested higher than I did on an IQ test, either we took different tests or IQ tests are wrong.  I'm leaning toward the tests being wrong seeing as how they test visual acuity but not auditory acuity, intuition, or existential intelligence.  Which would probably make me a fucking super genius on paper.

Take chances...

Accept people for who they are. That doesn't mean you have to like them - or be near them.

Accept that you're probably not going to change the whole world - but never stop affecting the people around you.

Play...

Laugh and smile as often as possible even if you don't feel like it.

Try your best to take your own advise...  <-- especially that one.

From their perspective

I hear and see things all the time that make me want to tell stories from my own life.  So here we go again!

It's probably no surprise to anyone that I've taken a few classes in folk studies and cultural anthropology.  One of my favorite professors taught the first course I took in this field - Barry - what a dude...  He was teaching (or arguing) American Culture at the Glasgow campus of Western Kentucky University.  I asked him once why he was teaching there; his response was something like - "...this is the front-line of the battleground of ignorance."  That and they happened to be hiring in his field.  Anyhow - that's the guy that was teaching this course, young, ready to enlighten, ready to fight the good fight, and ready to kick ass when fallacy and ignorance stood in the way.   Did I mention that he was teaching in Glasgow?  Did I also mention that I was in his class?  Barry - dude - you may have been thrown a couple of curve balls... I have a dozen or so stories about Barry - this one is more about me and a lady in this class...

Barry decided to try out a movie on us to see if we could have an active conversation about it without killing each other. (whatever - bring out the maces.)  The question was simple enough.  Your children's school wants to show a movie about different kinds of families.  Including, mixed race, single parent, divorced, grandparent, lbgt, nuclear, blue, transparent, etc.  Do you sign the permission slip to allow your child to watch this movie; why or why not?  Alright - cool...  So we watched the movie...

Go ahead - I'll wait.  (waiting music)

I could tell by the way Barry's wheel's were turnin' that he had a plan for this discussion...  I was sitting WAAAAY over here and he told the dude WAAAAY over there to start the conversation - one at a time - each of us had a turn to speak, without interruption...  Almost the entire class got to speak before me - including - her - but we'll get there...  Oh I felt so sorry for that first dude that spoke and I could tell that Barry did too...  He did so well and said his point so nicely, but like half of the class took it exactly the wrong way.  What he said was this:

I can see how a lot of people would watch this and have a problem with it because of all the gay couples.  I personally don't have a problem with any of it and would not have any problem with my kids watching it at all.

Remember the phone game?  The very next person, sitting right behind him said this:  I agree with him! We shouldn't be showing our kids all those gay couples.

I promise - before the first guy could even finish inhaling to defend himself - the next person was taking up 'his cause' - I agree with him too!  (he just put his head down)

I really wish the split had been 50/50... Remember - this was a class in Glasgow.  It was probably closer to 70/30 and the relevant issue of the video was absolutely - completely - gay couples raising children...  I just smiled and gathered ammunition for the impending logic bitch-smack I was fueling up.  One after another people said, "No - gay people shouldn't have kids", or "Yes - I'm okay with everything because my family rocks."  And then...  AND THEN...  I think Barry had had a conversation with this lady before - he HAD to know this was going to happen - he HAD to know something about her - because - he... well... just wait a sec...

I remember her well... middle aged, fake blonde, dark roots, bad tan, smoked, the kind of lady you would expect to see outside of a hair salon smoking and talking gossip.  This lady was steaming...  She said something to the effect of - That movie's just garbage...  She said she wouldn't want anyone's child to see it.  Barry was great - she rambled - but Barry wouldn't let it go.  He wanted HER - HER IN PARTICULAR to get her point out.  He said - "Why?"   - oh she squirmed...  I sat straight up in my seat and smiled bigger than life.  I knew what he was doing and I LOVED it.  She said - that EVERYTHING in that movie was wrong - that gay people should not be shown in that way, that children should not be allowed to see it. - and she just sat back - and crossed her arms - 

Barry:  "Yeah, but...Why?"

Lady: "My son is a Baptist preacher ~something something~... (Jason's brain - oh hell yeah)  Because it's against the Bible and gay people are going to burn in Hell - that's why!"

I kid you the fuck not - I could not control myself - I laughed out loud like "HA" and SLAMMED my fist on my desk at the same time.  Barry got this cocky smiley look on his face like, "that's good enough for me..." - "okay then - moving on."  The next person was like:  "uh, yeah whatever - I'd show em' - I wanna hear what he has to say."  The split stayed like I said before, most people were pretty indifferent to the conversation up to this point, but now they were just trying to get to me - and I was stocking up on shit to say and trying not to forget all the stuff I had stocked up from before.  BUT MAN I WAS SMOKING RED HOT!

But first - we came to this awesome lady - who, thank goodness, threw some cool water on the fire before it got to me.  She turned around and stared that other lady right in the eyes and said - "Jesus loves all people, it doesn't matter who you are. Judge not lest ye' be judged."  Then she turned and looked at me - I imagine that when I take up a cause people assume that I'm, you know whatever that thing is - I'm pretty sure everyone there thought I was gay, just like my health teacher thought I was a Jew because I called him a dick for saying he would kick Jewish people off a football team for not praying to Jesus at pregame.  Anyway - she looked at me and nodded in approval - like - 'there you go honey, now you can have at her.'

I want to put the right voice in your head...  The vocal pitch of  Seth Rogan, with the intonation and accent of Kelsey Grammer, and the shakiness of Barney Fife...  (Cause I was sort of pissed and nervous, but wanted to sound smart)

"First of all...", I said - really trying and failing to sound calm. "50 years ago we wouldn't even be talking about this issue.  50 years ago we would have been arguing about all the mixed race couples on the screen."  I welcomed the resounding ...oooh yeah's... from around the room.  I think I made my point that 50 years from now we won't be thinking about gay couples - it won't even be a thing.  I used this time talking to calm myself enough that when I focused my attention on her I didn't just blow up and call her an ignorant fucking bitch. (I honestly don't feel that way - people feel the way they feel - impulse though...)  I said - "Now..." and I turned to look at her. She looked at me with smug and righteous eyes... "Jesus was an amazing person." - I heard a couple of "mhm's" - I tried to make the point that Jesus was not the kind of person who would care if someone was gay. (like - um - I forgive you for crucifying me - wait hold on a sec - do you like penises?)  I also tried to show that the entire point in Jesus existence was to forgive and move past the old ways - and move on toward the future.  A person's relationship with God is their own and no one else's. - "And oh yeah - I would totally show that movie to my kids."

Oh - it was anti climactic!  I never said it was an exciting story...  What; did you think I was going to cause a riot or something?  Nope!  This is one of those thought provoking, argument starting, open ended stories! Sorry!

Side note: Don't kid yourself into thinking you know my spiritual or religious beliefs - we haven't gone there yet...  Hit me up on Facebook if you want to start up a conversation!

That one dude you saw that one time.

Telling someone you've known for 2 years that they have not, until recently, recognized your face...that's a strange thing.  It's like "50 First Dates" when Drew Barrymore woke up every day not remembering the day before, accept in reverse - where people around me tend not to notice or remember me.  I'm working on the theory that I have a pheromone that wipes me from people's short term memory.

I'm a pretty habitual person, or rather I'm the kind of person who when I find a place that I like I'll keep going back there fairly regularly. I've mentioned before that I've been going to the same coffee shop for around 2 years and none of the baristas have remembered me.  There are a couple of baristas who have been there the entire time I've been going there, one in particular (Elizabeth) I've seen there maybe a hundred times and each time it's like the first.  There was no look of familiarity or recognition in her eyes for almost two years.

The same thing happens at the Chinese restaurant I've been going to for around 2 years once every couple of weeks or so. I order pretty much the same thing I've always ordered every time I go in there.  It takes about 10 minutes for them to put the order together, so I go to the Kroger next door and grab a couple of things while I'm there.  When I go to pick up my food, unless they are not busy, the (same) girl behind the counter will look at me and ask what she can get for me.  Sometimes she just struggles to remember what I ordered, and will ask did you order - this? - No, I ordered - that...  I always ask for 2 sets of chopsticks and soy sauce.  It's like a non-remembrance dance and I've learned all of the moves like the back of my hand.

I wrote an article before about people not noticing my presence. So I won't re-write all of that. There are two other coffee shops that I've frequented for the last couple of years and so far (until recently) only one person has remembered me.  I feel like I have to pry my way into people's memories.  I know that I'm a quiet person, I'm unremarkable, I don't really try to stand out...  Fine...  Still you would think that more than one person out of the group would  recall me in some way.  I order the same things every time, I'm a good tipper, I'm polite.  Somewhere sometime someone is sure to recall me.

One barista did after about 3 months or so of me going to the coffee shop in the cafeteria at work and ordering the same thing almost every day.  It was nice to have someone know what I was going to order or just recall my face.  That was an interesting phenomenon because to my knowledge I didn't do anything different - it was just long term repetition that made me stick around in her memory.  Maybe one day I went down there twice and so her memory from the previous occurrence moved from short term to long term memory.  Maybe the pheromone has a time limit depending on a particular person's spacial memory and how their individual short-term to long-term memory process works.  I'm not convinced that she remembers me asking her to hang out - I mentioned it one day during a conversation; she seemed confused and uncomfortable.  Her co-worker?  I bet (after close to a year) probably still doesn't remember me too well, her and I had a discomfort match about whether an iced tea refill costs $1.00 or $1.17, though she (herself) always charged me a dollar for it until that day.

One day I went to my favorite 'project work' hang out - the coffee shop.  Where I have been going a couple times a week for about 2 years... and there it was... my favorite barista (because her lattes are the best) recalled my face.  This is another interesting story.  I've been coming here for so long that I have memorized her timing for making the two drinks I always order - I followed her timing by listening to her process for making the drinks.  When she taps the steaming pitcher on the counter it's like dinner bell.  That means she's about to start pouring the milk into the cup and I should come over and grab my drink. I had been coming in more frequently because of this blog, my story series, my mom's website, and another project I'm working on.  4 times in a row of me walking up to the counter just as she's pouring the milk she commented - almost the exact same sentence - "Wow, look at you! You have amazing timing."  Then one day, she looked at me, cocked her eyebrow, tilted her head and said, "I like you in red, it looks good."

huh?  what?  I'm sure the look on my face could have been taken any number of ways, but it was utter confusion. - "Thanks?"  After that I think she started noticing how often I come in and I think it freaked her out a little bit. Like - one day she mentions my shirt and all of a sudden I'm coming in all the time. (Looking at it from her perspective.) ~~call it a feeling~~  Something else of note is that her and I have had conversations in the past and yet the next time I would come in - no recollection. Example: She wears a silver sparrow necklace on a long chain.  My then girlfriend has one just like it. So - I said, "I like your necklace.  My girlfriend has one just like it." - "Oh, thanks! Does she like sparrows?" - "Yeah, she has a sparrow tattoo and a couple pieces of jewelry with sparrows.  I think she likes them so much because her last name sounds like sparrow." etc.  A week later - nada...  So, for me to all of a sudden stick in her memory - that's just plain weird.  Even more weird is that once she started recalling my face - so did her coworkers.  And they started remembering what I order.

So today, nervously, I decided to tell her about the phenomenon and my theory about the pheromone.  Astonishment is probably the best word I can come up with for her reaction.  I told her about the pheromone thing first - then said that I could probably convince her of it - and then told her that I've been coming to the coffee shop for about 2 years on a fairly regular basis.  "That just doesn't seem possible."  We worked out that she remembers me coming in for about 4 weeks or so.  And - she felt bad (damn it) for not remembering me.  She said that I'm a regular and I deserve that recognition.  So I told her - to let her know it's not her fault - about the Chinese restaurant, and about the dance club where people kept running in to me.  "Someone should do a study." :)

Lots of questions here...  What is it about me that makes people not remember me?  My look?  My attitude?  A pheromone?  What changed?  Was it that one thing - the timing thing?  Have I changed my look and attitude enough recently that people have started to notice and remember me?  It seems almost impossible to figure out.  I can't ask anyone - hey what's different about me from before (you not remembering me) to now (you remembering me).  That's like asking someone about that time they saw that thing at that place - you know, that thing...

I guess it does bother me.  I like to say that it doesn't because it happens everywhere I go, but I'm sitting here thinking about it - a lot...  If it were just a couple of people I would understand.  It just happens so much.  I can't blame other people for this. Like I said - if it was just a couple, then maybe.  It has to be something about me.  Unless I reach out and make myself stick, it doesn't happen - or I guess until recently.  Now I'm left with a chicken/egg problem.  I don't try to get people to remember me because it seems futile, so do people not remember me because I don't try?  2 years ~ all the people...  I don't know.