That one dude you saw that one time.

Telling someone you've known for 2 years that they have not, until recently, recognized your face...that's a strange thing.  It's like "50 First Dates" when Drew Barrymore woke up every day not remembering the day before, accept in reverse - where people around me tend not to notice or remember me.  I'm working on the theory that I have a pheromone that wipes me from people's short term memory.

I'm a pretty habitual person, or rather I'm the kind of person who when I find a place that I like I'll keep going back there fairly regularly. I've mentioned before that I've been going to the same coffee shop for around 2 years and none of the baristas have remembered me.  There are a couple of baristas who have been there the entire time I've been going there, one in particular (Elizabeth) I've seen there maybe a hundred times and each time it's like the first.  There was no look of familiarity or recognition in her eyes for almost two years.

The same thing happens at the Chinese restaurant I've been going to for around 2 years once every couple of weeks or so. I order pretty much the same thing I've always ordered every time I go in there.  It takes about 10 minutes for them to put the order together, so I go to the Kroger next door and grab a couple of things while I'm there.  When I go to pick up my food, unless they are not busy, the (same) girl behind the counter will look at me and ask what she can get for me.  Sometimes she just struggles to remember what I ordered, and will ask did you order - this? - No, I ordered - that...  I always ask for 2 sets of chopsticks and soy sauce.  It's like a non-remembrance dance and I've learned all of the moves like the back of my hand.

I wrote an article before about people not noticing my presence. So I won't re-write all of that. There are two other coffee shops that I've frequented for the last couple of years and so far (until recently) only one person has remembered me.  I feel like I have to pry my way into people's memories.  I know that I'm a quiet person, I'm unremarkable, I don't really try to stand out...  Fine...  Still you would think that more than one person out of the group would  recall me in some way.  I order the same things every time, I'm a good tipper, I'm polite.  Somewhere sometime someone is sure to recall me.

One barista did after about 3 months or so of me going to the coffee shop in the cafeteria at work and ordering the same thing almost every day.  It was nice to have someone know what I was going to order or just recall my face.  That was an interesting phenomenon because to my knowledge I didn't do anything different - it was just long term repetition that made me stick around in her memory.  Maybe one day I went down there twice and so her memory from the previous occurrence moved from short term to long term memory.  Maybe the pheromone has a time limit depending on a particular person's spacial memory and how their individual short-term to long-term memory process works.  I'm not convinced that she remembers me asking her to hang out - I mentioned it one day during a conversation; she seemed confused and uncomfortable.  Her co-worker?  I bet (after close to a year) probably still doesn't remember me too well, her and I had a discomfort match about whether an iced tea refill costs $1.00 or $1.17, though she (herself) always charged me a dollar for it until that day.

One day I went to my favorite 'project work' hang out - the coffee shop.  Where I have been going a couple times a week for about 2 years... and there it was... my favorite barista (because her lattes are the best) recalled my face.  This is another interesting story.  I've been coming here for so long that I have memorized her timing for making the two drinks I always order - I followed her timing by listening to her process for making the drinks.  When she taps the steaming pitcher on the counter it's like dinner bell.  That means she's about to start pouring the milk into the cup and I should come over and grab my drink. I had been coming in more frequently because of this blog, my story series, my mom's website, and another project I'm working on.  4 times in a row of me walking up to the counter just as she's pouring the milk she commented - almost the exact same sentence - "Wow, look at you! You have amazing timing."  Then one day, she looked at me, cocked her eyebrow, tilted her head and said, "I like you in red, it looks good."

huh?  what?  I'm sure the look on my face could have been taken any number of ways, but it was utter confusion. - "Thanks?"  After that I think she started noticing how often I come in and I think it freaked her out a little bit. Like - one day she mentions my shirt and all of a sudden I'm coming in all the time. (Looking at it from her perspective.) ~~call it a feeling~~  Something else of note is that her and I have had conversations in the past and yet the next time I would come in - no recollection. Example: She wears a silver sparrow necklace on a long chain.  My then girlfriend has one just like it. So - I said, "I like your necklace.  My girlfriend has one just like it." - "Oh, thanks! Does she like sparrows?" - "Yeah, she has a sparrow tattoo and a couple pieces of jewelry with sparrows.  I think she likes them so much because her last name sounds like sparrow." etc.  A week later - nada...  So, for me to all of a sudden stick in her memory - that's just plain weird.  Even more weird is that once she started recalling my face - so did her coworkers.  And they started remembering what I order.

So today, nervously, I decided to tell her about the phenomenon and my theory about the pheromone.  Astonishment is probably the best word I can come up with for her reaction.  I told her about the pheromone thing first - then said that I could probably convince her of it - and then told her that I've been coming to the coffee shop for about 2 years on a fairly regular basis.  "That just doesn't seem possible."  We worked out that she remembers me coming in for about 4 weeks or so.  And - she felt bad (damn it) for not remembering me.  She said that I'm a regular and I deserve that recognition.  So I told her - to let her know it's not her fault - about the Chinese restaurant, and about the dance club where people kept running in to me.  "Someone should do a study." :)

Lots of questions here...  What is it about me that makes people not remember me?  My look?  My attitude?  A pheromone?  What changed?  Was it that one thing - the timing thing?  Have I changed my look and attitude enough recently that people have started to notice and remember me?  It seems almost impossible to figure out.  I can't ask anyone - hey what's different about me from before (you not remembering me) to now (you remembering me).  That's like asking someone about that time they saw that thing at that place - you know, that thing...

I guess it does bother me.  I like to say that it doesn't because it happens everywhere I go, but I'm sitting here thinking about it - a lot...  If it were just a couple of people I would understand.  It just happens so much.  I can't blame other people for this. Like I said - if it was just a couple, then maybe.  It has to be something about me.  Unless I reach out and make myself stick, it doesn't happen - or I guess until recently.  Now I'm left with a chicken/egg problem.  I don't try to get people to remember me because it seems futile, so do people not remember me because I don't try?  2 years ~ all the people...  I don't know.