It's probably no surprise to anyone that I've taken a few classes in folk studies and cultural anthropology. One of my favorite professors taught the first course I took in this field - Barry - what a dude... He was teaching (or arguing) American Culture at the Glasgow campus of Western Kentucky University. I asked him once why he was teaching there; his response was something like - "...this is the front-line of the battleground of ignorance." That and they happened to be hiring in his field. Anyhow - that's the guy that was teaching this course, young, ready to enlighten, ready to fight the good fight, and ready to kick ass when fallacy and ignorance stood in the way. Did I mention that he was teaching in Glasgow? Did I also mention that I was in his class? Barry - dude - you may have been thrown a couple of curve balls... I have a dozen or so stories about Barry - this one is more about me and a lady in this class...
Barry decided to try out a movie on us to see if we could have an active conversation about it without killing each other. (whatever - bring out the maces.) The question was simple enough. Your children's school wants to show a movie about different kinds of families. Including, mixed race, single parent, divorced, grandparent, lbgt, nuclear, blue, transparent, etc. Do you sign the permission slip to allow your child to watch this movie; why or why not? Alright - cool... So we watched the movie...
Go ahead - I'll wait. (waiting music)
I could tell by the way Barry's wheel's were turnin' that he had a plan for this discussion... I was sitting WAAAAY over here and he told the dude WAAAAY over there to start the conversation - one at a time - each of us had a turn to speak, without interruption... Almost the entire class got to speak before me - including - her - but we'll get there... Oh I felt so sorry for that first dude that spoke and I could tell that Barry did too... He did so well and said his point so nicely, but like half of the class took it exactly the wrong way. What he said was this:
I can see how a lot of people would watch this and have a problem with it because of all the gay couples. I personally don't have a problem with any of it and would not have any problem with my kids watching it at all.
Remember the phone game? The very next person, sitting right behind him said this: I agree with him! We shouldn't be showing our kids all those gay couples.
I promise - before the first guy could even finish inhaling to defend himself - the next person was taking up 'his cause' - I agree with him too! (he just put his head down)
I really wish the split had been 50/50... Remember - this was a class in Glasgow. It was probably closer to 70/30 and the relevant issue of the video was absolutely - completely - gay couples raising children... I just smiled and gathered ammunition for the impending logic bitch-smack I was fueling up. One after another people said, "No - gay people shouldn't have kids", or "Yes - I'm okay with everything because my family rocks." And then... AND THEN... I think Barry had had a conversation with this lady before - he HAD to know this was going to happen - he HAD to know something about her - because - he... well... just wait a sec...
I remember her well... middle aged, fake blonde, dark roots, bad tan, smoked, the kind of lady you would expect to see outside of a hair salon smoking and talking gossip. This lady was steaming... She said something to the effect of - That movie's just garbage... She said she wouldn't want anyone's child to see it. Barry was great - she rambled - but Barry wouldn't let it go. He wanted HER - HER IN PARTICULAR to get her point out. He said - "Why?" - oh she squirmed... I sat straight up in my seat and smiled bigger than life. I knew what he was doing and I LOVED it. She said - that EVERYTHING in that movie was wrong - that gay people should not be shown in that way, that children should not be allowed to see it. - and she just sat back - and crossed her arms -
Barry: "Yeah, but...Why?"
Lady: "My son is a Baptist preacher ~something something~... (Jason's brain - oh hell yeah) Because it's against the Bible and gay people are going to burn in Hell - that's why!"
I kid you the fuck not - I could not control myself - I laughed out loud like "HA" and SLAMMED my fist on my desk at the same time. Barry got this cocky smiley look on his face like, "that's good enough for me..." - "okay then - moving on." The next person was like: "uh, yeah whatever - I'd show em' - I wanna hear what he has to say." The split stayed like I said before, most people were pretty indifferent to the conversation up to this point, but now they were just trying to get to me - and I was stocking up on shit to say and trying not to forget all the stuff I had stocked up from before. BUT MAN I WAS SMOKING RED HOT!
But first - we came to this awesome lady - who, thank goodness, threw some cool water on the fire before it got to me. She turned around and stared that other lady right in the eyes and said - "Jesus loves all people, it doesn't matter who you are. Judge not lest ye' be judged." Then she turned and looked at me - I imagine that when I take up a cause people assume that I'm, you know whatever that thing is - I'm pretty sure everyone there thought I was gay, just like my health teacher thought I was a Jew because I called him a dick for saying he would kick Jewish people off a football team for not praying to Jesus at pregame. Anyway - she looked at me and nodded in approval - like - 'there you go honey, now you can have at her.'
I want to put the right voice in your head... The vocal pitch of Seth Rogan, with the intonation and accent of Kelsey Grammer, and the shakiness of Barney Fife... (Cause I was sort of pissed and nervous, but wanted to sound smart)
"First of all...", I said - really trying and failing to sound calm. "50 years ago we wouldn't even be talking about this issue. 50 years ago we would have been arguing about all the mixed race couples on the screen." I welcomed the resounding ...oooh yeah's... from around the room. I think I made my point that 50 years from now we won't be thinking about gay couples - it won't even be a thing. I used this time talking to calm myself enough that when I focused my attention on her I didn't just blow up and call her an ignorant fucking bitch. (I honestly don't feel that way - people feel the way they feel - impulse though...) I said - "Now..." and I turned to look at her. She looked at me with smug and righteous eyes... "Jesus was an amazing person." - I heard a couple of "mhm's" - I tried to make the point that Jesus was not the kind of person who would care if someone was gay. (like - um - I forgive you for crucifying me - wait hold on a sec - do you like penises?) I also tried to show that the entire point in Jesus existence was to forgive and move past the old ways - and move on toward the future. A person's relationship with God is their own and no one else's. - "And oh yeah - I would totally show that movie to my kids."
Oh - it was anti climactic! I never said it was an exciting story... What; did you think I was going to cause a riot or something? Nope! This is one of those thought provoking, argument starting, open ended stories! Sorry!
Side note: Don't kid yourself into thinking you know my spiritual or religious beliefs - we haven't gone there yet... Hit me up on Facebook if you want to start up a conversation!
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