Is it possible to make love in a sweater?

One of the first cold nights of the year.  Perfect...  She'll come out soon, I'd better get things ready.  Vanilla candles on the book shelf - lit.  Dim the lights...  The pillows on the couch should be just right.  Blanket on reserve just in case we need it. Wine; our favorite kind. Some strawberries.

There she is...  Damn you're sexy...  Come here and kiss me.  My heart actually skips a beat. I think it's because I finally found someone that enjoys this as much as I do and you're just so damn amazing. 

I take her by the hand and lead her to the couch.  I pour her a nice tall glass of wine and then one for myself.  She grabs a strawberry and rocks herself back into my warm embrace just as the click of the TV fills the room and "The Big Lebowski" starts to play.

Quick conversations with such interesting content

Me - "I like your cardigan."

- My memory kicks in - The first time we spoke a song was playing that I hadn't heard in a long time.  You told me that you attract repeat customers with your awesome taste in music.  Also - you told me the name of the band was "The Cardigans" - Lovefool

Her (great big smile) - "Thanks! I like old woman clothes."

"Well - it suites you - though you're definitely not an old woman."

Her - (making coffee for the guy in front of me ~pumpkin latte with whipped cream - smiles again) - "Thank you!"

 - My brain again - Cardigans... Wool, cashmere, hers is cotton, second hand or handed down, machine knitted or very well done by hand - White with blue and other colors in vertical patterns on the front sides.  I like big, wool, cardigans...cozy...  Makes me feel like I look smart...  Walter...

Me - "Do you ever watch Fringe?"

Her (accessing memories and intrigued that this conversation is still going) - "No I never have.  Someone told me it was pretty interesting though."

"You should - just so you can see Walter in his big woolly cardigan."

~Giggles

Me still - "You know I've tried to find a cardigan like that, but you know I'm a big guy and have to buy big clothes so those cost like two hundred bucks."

~Funny looks when I say 'big guy'~"Do you ever try like thrift stores?"

Me (big grin) - "Yeah I love Unique - This jacket cost me like six bucks."

~~Other people from my workplace nearby seem werided out that I'm wearing a suit coat from a thrift store, pumpkin latte guy leaves~~

(Skipping parts of the conversation I can't remember clearly; basically I can't find a cardigan at Unique)

Her (big grin ~ keeping track of question she wanted to ask from before ~ nice) - "I basically live at Unique; that place is great.  It's funny to get a TV show recommendation based on what the character is wearing.  Hey - isn't Angel in that show?  um - David Boreanaz?"

Brain - accessing - no...unless that started since I stopped watching TV...  She must mean Peter...Similar facial bone structure if you only look for a second.

Me (bad...Thinking and talking at the same time) "No...That Peter guy from Dawson's Creek is in it though." heh...

"Oh - you mean - um - Josh Jackson!"

~~nice save!  Respect!

"Yep - that's him!"  (I don't think my grin ever went away, but it just turned into a full on smile)

Her - (Funny, not shame, but 'don't tell anyone' tone...)  "I used to love that show. I watched it all the time.  Did you know that him and Katie Holmes..."

~~~drifted~~~
Brain - and me to brain - sometimes you need to shut the fuck up man...  Yeah I can remember what she was saying, but dude she was talking! - brain - Why do I know so much about "Dawson's Creek?"  Oh yeah!  I used to watch that shit before school in the morning!  Wait - I liked that show.  Damn - that's shameful...

"...had a thing?"

"Wait - what?"

"Yeah Katie admitted that he was like her first love and all that. I have a weakness for news stand gossip."

~~I giggle~~ my "INNNteresting" face...

"Yeah shamefully I used to watch that show every morning before school."

Her - ("INNNteresting" face :) "That was on in the mornings?"

Me - "Yeah like when I was in college - too long ago for me to admit how old I am."

~another good giggle

Her - "oh man - now I'm trying to remember what shows I watched before school...  "Saved by the Bell."

Co-Worker - "Which one?  The college years?"

Her - "All of them!  Middle school, high school, the college years."

brain - holy shit I watched that too! - me/brain - can't remember if I said that out loud

Co-worker ~~ fades out of conversation ~~ sorry :| (Something about me only recently starting to come to that coffee shop and me going from quitting coffee to 4 shots of espresso, headaches, the girl I've been talking to recommends Tea. :)

Me - "Well - with my second stint at college I watched "Charmed" and "ER" every morning before class."

Her - ("Holy shit flooded with memories and shit to say" face) "Wow Charmed I love that show - and ER - wow... I love George Clooney, what a babe!"

Me - "heh - yeah I like Noah Wyle, he's pretty cool"

Her - (working - realizing the same thing I am)  "Okay wow this conversation went - wow.  Okay..."

Me - "Yeah we could probably go on forever.  I'm Jason..." (out-reached hand for hand shake)

GODDAMNIT!! MOTHERFUCKER!!!  PIECEOFSHIT!!!  IHATEYOUSOMUCHYOUASSHOLEFUCKINGBRAIN!  ???Ashley???
me to brain - why do you remember that the guy in front of us ordered a small vanilla latte, a water, a large pumpkin latte with whipped cream and asked about a banana - to which the reply was "not any good ones..." AND YOU CAN'T CLEARLY REMEMBER THE HOT GIRL'S NAME! ass hole...

Her - "My name is Ashley - did you say David?"

Me (~double take~ Laughing, because of my theory that people don't remember me...) "Jason."

(reciprocating handshake) - "I don't know why I heard David. Well it's nice to meet you Jason."  (I do - you think I'm hot like Angel!  HA!  No really - she's got David Boreanaz on the brain...  I was wearing one of my black shirts, no tie, with the top button open ~ I can see the resemb...who am I kidding...)

Me (big ass smile) - "You too."

All that while I watched her make a pumpkin latte and my soy latte...  Damn good too!  What is it with me and baristas?

I know more about you from the size of your shoes

I like puzzles.  Things that are unclear and are hard to figure out.  My brain's default mode is somewhere between the meaning of life and the nature of the universe.  At least there's music to help quiet the chaos.  I also love analyzing people.  It's so natural to me that I don't even notice when I'm doing it.  You combine those two facts - the puzzles and the people analyzing and that makes for one particularly interesting thing - me trying to meet women...

You know you can tell a lot about a person by the shoes they wear.  Not just shoes, but clothes in general.  I like starting with the shoes because they hold come particularly interesting insights about a person - usually.  Does this girl dress for comfort or for looks? Are her shoes clean, polished, brand new?  Does she use her shoes as feet covers or does she make an effort to show them off?  Is she wearing boots - how high are the boots on her leg? Do they have heels?  Is she wearing heels?  What color are they?  Do they match her outfit? Is she wearing heels with jeans?  Of course you have to consider context...  Is she at work? Do her shoes relate to her job in some way? Yeah so it sounds weird, but I don't think about all of this every single time I meet a girl.  It only takes a couple of seconds.

School is a good setting, because we have a lot of choice in what we wear. I see a girl wearing old sneakers.  They're dirty and worn, but within social parameters of acceptableness.  She wears relatively new clothes; things like band tee shirts and relaxed jeans.  Some of her jeans have fringes on the bottom of the legs from dragging on the ground a little bit.  Pretty much no matter what else she's wearing she has on those same shoes.  It's because they're comfortable and she loves them.  She is a function kind of person, but also a tad sentimental. Works toward purpose rather than gain.  Probably introverted. Probably a thinker.  She was poor or not very well off when she was young, and her parents showed her -probably by example- how to work with what she's got.  For her, you add in some outward strength that was covering up her insecurity and I hit that nail on the head.  Interesting person...

Attitude comes into play after that, but its not hard to figure that out within a very short time during a conversation. I met a girl who one day started wearing a hat.  Funny little hat.  Turns out that her job was making everyone wear hats - understandable since she works in food service. But she wasn't wearing the same hat as everyone else.  Don't think for a second I didn't notice that like the moment I walked into the shop.  To me, before we even spoke, that said - she didn't want to wear the stupid ass hat that they wanted her to wear.  That gives me some interesting chimes into her personality.  It's possible she doesn't give a fuck about her job and 'fuck them I'm gonna wear my own fucking hat' <-- descriptive enough?  On the other hand it's quiet rebellion.  What's the worst they're gonna do? Make you put on the other hat...  Either way that girl's got some attitude.  Genuine fire...  Maybe some authority issues.  I bet she had an interesting childhood.  Yeah - I had to talk to her. (Did I mention I fucking fail at talking to women? - example - um, concert tonight um, you go, um, me, um...  The words are there - obviously, fucking look around - nerves man...what a bitch...)

Which brings me to the puzzles...  Oh man it's a bad thing for me when I'm confronted with a puzzle that I can't solve; NOT...GOING...TO...HAPPEN...  Here's a puzzle for you...  How do you take this vast amount of knowledge about human behavior, sociological and anthropological nuances, shake in the ability to read people's emotional state (yeah I'm like a real version of that Dr. Lightman guy on 'Lie to Me' accept not fake) - and turn that into me getting a date with hat girl, or shoe girl - or any woman for that matter.   FYI - yes I know their names and talked to both of them - shoe girl was years ago...  I'm sure they both thought I'm a really nice guy, maybe a little weird, and that's why they were extremely polite when they turned me down and/or lied to my face when I asked them out on a date...  It's hard to walk away from that one.  I suppose it would be easy if I was a complete ass-hole and used what I know to manipulate people into getting what I want.  I'm sure there's some kind of balance or something that I'm not considering that makes this make sense.

Yeah, maybe its weird that I know more about these people from the combined 10-20 minutes of conversation that we had then most people will ever know about them.  I've tried to turn it off really...  I don't think pick up lines like "Hey I've been watching you for a couple minutes and I bet I can describe aspects of your personality with about 90% accuracy." actually work...  Though I can tell ladies their bra sizes and what kind of underwear they have on - have to be careful with that one :-)

You Reminded Me

For some reason you seem like the kind of person who doesn't really like listening to things like this from people like me.  It's interesting though that something you said triggered a memory that's so dear to me and I really wanted to share it with you, because you're the person who brought the memory the light.  Weird that...  I'm fighting the urge to blurgh it out - highly personal crap - by telling everyone on my blog (so it's less awkward???).

Imagine 1994-1995 Jason...  13 Years old...  I had been home schooled up to this year and the most popular music I knew about was Mozart, Beethoven, Louis Armstrong, and Neil Diamond.  The kids in my class talked about shit like Billy Ray Cyrus because I lived in Hell.  To further frame things... I was doing college work before going back to 8th grade. The only two reasons I was there was because my father had just died and Kentucky has (had?) some bullshit policy about not allowing children to skip grades.

And then my Grandpa died.  My mom's dad.  This had a pretty big impact though I didn't really show it to anyone - or at least I don't remember showing it.  After Dad died we went to visit my grandparents and my Grandpa took me out shooting - that's what we did in my family.  He intimidated the fuck out of me and I couldn't shoot straight for shit.  He barely said four words to me the whole time.  Gave me an apple. That was it.  No moving inspirational movie scene grandpa grandson talk where he tells me the secret to life and lets me know that everything will be all right. Nope.  I got a grunt when I jerked the trigger. :-)  It was enough to spend that time with him though.  I blew the tops off some bowling pins after one of grandpa's (I dunno ass-hole) friends said I couldn't shoot.  In my head I made him smile.

So there I am at the funeral.  I know about half the people there.  The other half I honestly could give a shit about at that point.  I was really trying hard to not punch every single person who asked me who I was and how I knew Russell.  Grandma was being awesome and making most of us feel better, but this was a hard day.  Then I met one of my cousins that I had never met before.  The reason I had never met her is because she's the daughter of my Mom's step-sister. Whom I had never met before.  I'm 99% sure my cousin's name is Christi -  I'm terrible at remembering names...  I love Christi.  I hope that she remembers me and feels the same way that I do, because she is by far my favorite of my extended family.  She felt pretty much exactly the same as I did at that funeral.  And she was cool as fuck.  She said - "Let's get the fuck out of here."

And we fucking left...  Christi had a car and Christi.....had GOOD ASS TASTE IN MUSIC.  I had ear sex that day -  in the front seat of a piece of shit car.  I will never forget hearing "One Headlight" for the first time in that car.  It was like the world opening up to me.  It's like I didn't know that I could listen to music and someone was showing me that it was here waiting for me the whole time.  I don't remember what else we listened to, but I do remember that every single song was symphonic to me.  Christi and I had a real ass conversation too.  She talked to me like we were on the same level, not like she was older than me - which she was (wouldn't seem like it now).

The world definitely changed for me that day.  I became a different person.  I think that I modelled a big chunk of my personality after what I got from Christi that day too.  She was very introspective.  Very cool. And I remember several times where she said "Hey do you know what _______  is?"

She taught me what 1-800-WHAAAAAA means :-) Boo Hoo bitches.

An introspective extraverted weekend

If asked what I did this weekend I will be forced to direct people to this post because I feel there is no one correct answer.

The "normal" answer.

My friends and I took a road trip to an Island near Savannah, Georgia where we camped out and hung out for a couple of days on the beach.  On the way down we stayed the night in the parking lot of an Ingles grocery store in Asheville, North Carolina and then walked around town before continuing our journey.  We had an amazing time on the beach, collecting shells, walking up and down the shore line, drinking beers, discovering new and random things, and enjoying each other's company.  We will have to do something like this again soon.

The "Jason" answer.

I stood at the edge of the sea and contemplated the infinite complexity of our existence...  The bigness and yet the smallness of the world reminded me of the dualities of our own perceptions.  How our lives are so short, but so long.  How life is so complicated, yet so simple. How love is so eternal, but so fleeting.  Staring at the ocean, seeing the horizon where the world drops off puts things into a certain perspective.

The "romantic" answer.

I took a long walk down the beach and listened to waves crash against the shore.  I walked barefoot and found a perfect path so that every once in a while the water would walk up and kiss my feet.  After a while a light rain started to fall and everyone who was around scuttled back to their shelters leaving the entire shoreline all to me.  The rain subdued right around sunset.  The setting sun cast a dazzling array of light across the ocean.  I watched as a full spectrum, perfect arch rainbow formed over the sea on the horizon with a partial rainbow twin climbing its left side.  Every moment I wished I had someone to share these experiences with.

The "overly pessimistic" answer

I lost my motherfucking glasses!  My back hurts like a motherfucker because I fail at motherfucking sunblock! I fucked up my motherfucking feet like a motherfucker! But man - that shit was motherfuckin' fun.

The summary

My friends and I had a great weekend road trip.  I had a chance to take off on my own for some needed solitary introspection that just happened to involve the ocean which is one of my favorite places to be.  I loved hanging out with my buddies, doing new and random things, seeing new and random things, and just plain relaxing.  I highly recommend randomness, especially to people like me who don't usually do randomness; sometimes it's good for the soul; just be careful not to get too caught up in the moment or you might lose your damn glasses in the ocean...