Jason's X Factor...

Today I am sitting here again; this time I am listening to neurologists, psychologists, and leaders in business human resources tell me how much I'm exactly like everyone else in the world.  Sings **  My brain...da de da... is like your brain ... da de da..  is like his brain.. da de da... is like her brain... da de da **

http://www.neuroleadership.org

http://www.sfn.org/am2012/

This all happened in time with a new acquaintance of mine posting her results from a particular website on her Facebook wall:

http://www.howmanyofme.com/

She smiled as she commented that she is one of a kind.  My intention in saying that she didn't need a website to tell her that was merely subtle flirting - but - "...Jason, while the sentiment is sweet, the fact is that nobody's special or unique, and the harder they try to be "different/original," the more they're going to end up like someone else."

Darn it...  Here I am deep in the midst of my own sociological experiment, listening to neurological research, analyzing people and looking for patterns across individuals, trying to prove in my own mind that a person can be rolled up into a package of preset patterns created by physiological, psychological, sociological and cultural criteria.  And still - when she said that - something inside me says that she is still unique...  Maybe I have a weakness for beautiful, intelligent women... (nah - that can't be it)

It all goes back to that question that came up when I was a kid. - sheesh - This isn't the kind of shit a 5 year old should be thinking about.  I said to myself, "Why do I see through my eyes?"  That's a 5 year old Jason's version of asking what makes me - me.  That's a hardcore question that I have been working on pretty much my whole life.  I guess now it's added on a new layer - if I can be rolled up in to an equation like I think I can - a predictable pattern of behaviors and other nuances - is there something else in there that sets me apart from everybody else?  I suppose the religious folks would say, "duh - your soul."  I had another brief conversation with the coffee shop girl this morning which triggered a thought - it's just - an x factor.  Something that I will attempt to define here in some small way and then probably for the rest of my life.

When you observe behavior you are observing it through the same filters that you are placing the behavior in.  I have my own cultural, sociological, and psychological filters that are nearly impossible to turn off without some preset singular thing that I'm trying to observe. (not to mention my bad eye sight, messed up ear, headaches...)  I walk into situations and try to analyze an entire person based on what they are wearing, what color their hair and eyes are, how proportionate their face is,  their body type, any 'different' things about them; then later their voice, their tone, their accent, their language, their name; and eventually their history, their family, their feelings, their emotions, their opinions, their wants, their needs...  All the while I'm trying to make guesses at one from the other - do your shoes and hat tell me what kind of person you are?  Maybe... Does the fact that your facial expression changes when I mention my mom tell me something - yeah...  Do the subtle changes in your behavior as you get to know me mean anything - of course they do...

From my perspective it seems nearly impossible to appear objective when saying that I can observe you as a person and understand you as a unique individual while indeed it seems like I'm trying to prove that you're not.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that when we get down to it - we are a complex set of non-complex things put together in a complex system that can be explained in non-complex ways if you want to take the time to weed through the complexity of it all in an objective way.  I love the fact that fields like "Cultural Neurology" and "Social Psychology" have sprung up... it speaks a lot for our scientific society that they are embracing cultural relativism and branching out. (tangent)

I think maybe my particular set of experiences is unique to me and therefore cannot be explained or observed externally.  That blue bird flew in my path while I was walking from the house to the field when I was 10 that made me have deja vu.  I started to consider what deja vu is which eventually lead me to have the thought that if I concentrated hard enough I can place my consciousness in my body at any point in my own past.  This was further ratified when I recalled the name of a person I had absolutely never seen before (it was Tonya Harding the first time she competed in the Olympics) - blew my mind (though I'm sure I read it briefly as the TV came on -- right?) Anyway - this type of thought is what got me interested in meta-physical concepts and eventually sparked and interest in Physics once I learned about Stephen Hawking. (Why the hell was I thinking about meta-physics when I was 10? -- oh wait - oh yeah - goats...heh)  Combine that with all the Philosophy and Sociology that Dad pummeled into my brain and you get the core of where I came up with the idea for what I want to do with my life (it's a secret)...  Right there's a piece of me that if there is someone that can claim the same thing - then - holy shit...  I'm not saying my idea(s) are original - I'm saying that my experiences - the nuances of my experiences - are unique to me and cannot be observed - therefore though I may seem to me integrated - or the same as someone else it's that which sets me apart. There's one side of the x factor...

One of my professors once said "You are who you think other people think you are."  Sorry - I am choosing to redefine that...  "Externally (socially, culturally) - you are who you think other people think you are..."

Peace...